35 thoughts on “My New and Improved Shopping Rules”

1. I like your new, improved rules, especially the one that doesn’t limit the number of items per month (except that you have to wear the newest one before you buy another).

   As I have read your last couple of posts, one thing that occurred to me about myself is that I sometimes buy something thinking I will never find such a perfect item again. And I don’t want to miss out! It is almost as if I am afraid this is the last time I will ever have the chance to buy a striped dress (your quandary). It dawned on me that I have bought many “perfect” items in my lifetime. And there will always be a perfect item when I need it again.

   Too often, out of fear I will not find an item ever again, I have settled for something less than perfect. For example, I bought a cute red jeans jacket on eBay, thinking I will never find one in the small town I live in. The day after I purchased it, I went into my local Goodwill store and there was the perfect red jeans jacket. It fit great, was the right red, and was a lot less than the one “I had to get” on eBay. When eBay one came, it was too big in the shoulders and not nearly as nice as my thrift find. It is still sitting in my sewing room, waiting to be altered, and more than a year has passed.

   So one of my new rules is that I will buy local as much as possible and only buy online when I can return it or in the case of eBay, when I am sure it will fit well or that I can alter it easily. I keep a short list of items I am looking for so I am not tempted to buy outside of my list. If I cannot find what I am looking for, I have decided that I will just do without it. Eventually, it will show up, like the Calvin Klein charcoal blazer that fits perfectly and cost $2 at Salvation Army. I looked for over a year before it turned up.

   Another rule I use because I shop at thrift stores a lot is: Would I buy this item if I had to pay full price? Is it an 8, 9 or 10? I had closets jammed full of “great buys” that I never would have bought at full price. And guess what, I never wore them either!

   I plan to use your rules and my own as I carefully purchase the few items I need for this fall. I can already tell that they are going to help me enjoy what I buy and avoid mistakes and the dreadful guilt of over shopping.

   • Perhaps a rule to add, in light of what Anne mentioned, is to identify quickly mistakes in purchases and rectify immediately — return, pass along to a friend, resell, or donate ASAP so these mistakes don’t become bench warmers.

     I wonder if setting you monthly budget lower would provide the added benefit of planning more for purchases. At $250 a month you have enough $$ for a purse or pair of shoes (or two) a month. What if you dropped this to $100 with the result that you have to really think about each purchase and plan for it by saving up a month or 6 weeks. The “power pause” is built in. I’ve mentioned that my budget is $20/month, largely because I have a well-functioning wardrobe. This amount wouldn’t work if I had to develop a new work wardrobe or a causal wardrobe, perhaps. It’s amazing how little I need to spend on clothes, and at such a minimum amount, I have to save up to by a new bra or pair of shoes. Therefore each purchase is well-thought-out and truly needed.

   • Anne, I can really identify with your “I may never find the perfect item again” issue. That one has plagued me quite a bit over the years! But ironically, the things I’ve bought because of that fear have not been perfect at all! Even the striped dress wasn’t perfect because it was too expensive and not versatile enough. I really wanted black and white stripes instead of blue and white stripes, so I was STILL settling! Your rule to buy local and the questions you posed (would I buy at full price? and is it an 8 or higher?) are also excellent!

     Dottie, good point about identifying and rectifying mistakes quickly. I’ve gotten better at that but there’s still room for improvement. Regarding my budget, I’m happy with it as is, at least until the end of the year. My problem is more buying too many things, not as much the money issue (at least this year), and I can buy too many things just as easily with a lower budget. As I’ve said before, a clothing budget is a very individual thing and one each person has to decide for herself. Regardless of budgets, though, it’s always good to have our purchases be well thought out, hence the questions from Dr. Benson (and the additions others and I have made) and the “power pause.” If I (and others) do those things, we will do much better with our shopping!

2. These are my rules:

   No more purchases unless I can define a true lack (e.g. I consigned my beautiful suede jacket bacause it was too small). I would like a replacement if I stumble on it without going into stores.

   Consign as I go when I find something that doesn’t work, probably no need for replacement.

   Count and post the number of each type of garment.

   I have decided that my aspirational style is classic. I say aspirational because I am short, overweight, full-chested, with a disappeared waist. Styles other than strictly classic may fit better. I buy almost all my clothes from JJill, but I can’t anymore (even if I were not on a shopping hiatus) because they are subject to a boycott that I support.

   Nevertheless I have a closet full of clothes that fit and accessories to make the clothes more interesting. I am shopping in my closet for now, recycling catalogues unread and happy with the situation.

   My current frustration has to do with the inability to lose any weight, or even avoid gaining. I have joined Weight Watchers online so I am charting my diet and exercise. There is a limit to what I can do physically, but I can honestly say that I haven’t reached it. So more walking, more home PT exercises, more stretching.

   My daily to do list always includes exercise, not spending money and keeping within the WW parameters. Boring, but achievable.

   • Great rules, Sandra! The one about not purchasing unless a true lack is defined is especially good. That’s why I like to maintain a list. In the past, my list was long and filled more with “nice to haves.” Now I’m trying to keep it shorter and more targeted, as that works better.

     I’m really curious about the J.Jill issue. I’ve bought things from them in the past and might again, but don’t want to patronize them if there are issues I care about going on. Maybe I can find out via a Google search.

     Best of luck with the weight loss and exercise effort. Hopefully, the support you receive from WW will help, but be gentle and take things one day and one step at a time. It takes a while to build new habits, as you can see with my shopping and clothing issues, too!

3. I think revisiting things that don’t work and revising them until they do is key. You will better honor your own systems and meet your goals this way. I have been doing modified Project 333s since February, and I’ve been thinking about how I shop (I love new things), what I treasure (well-made things), what I find stressful (my own excess and wastefulness), and what I value (voting for things that are important to me with my dollars). I am working on shopping rules for myself, which will include striving to buy items from honest, transparent, ethical and ecologically-sound companies whenever possible; spending more on better-but-fewer items, and wearing out (then, when possible, re-purposing) my current “cheap” clothes, so that something good can come of them (usefulness, helpfulness, reduced consumerism). I find reading about your process, your rules, and your closet so interesting, and helpful in the ways it can mirror or diverge from my own experiences and goals.

   • Thanks for sharing your rules, Rebecca. I really like them, especially the one about buying from ethical companies. I would like to do that more, too, but need to find more resources that outline who is ethical and who is not. If you have such resources, please share! I also like your idea of re-purposing the “cheap” clothes. I’m not necessarily re-purposing, but I try to at least downgrade items (e.g. from wearing out to wearing at home) when I can. I would like to get to the point where I get rid of clothes because they’re worn out instead of because they were bad purchases in the first place.

     • Hi Debbie! I really have just started that process myself, and rely heavily on “Google Search”. I will recommend some brands you can check out, and I also highly recommend the book “Overdressed: The Shockingly High Cost of Fast Fashion”. One issue I am currently struggling with is balancing ethical sustainability with minimalism. My closet shouldn’t be a revolving door, so I want to try to work with things I have (in particular, a J Crew suit in a pretty color that is cut poorly for my lower body and shows underarm sweat very easily is my biggest challenge). This is a “newer” challenge for me, after realizing just how inundated Goodwill is with all of our disposable clothing. I’m moving away from that little by little!

       Some brands to check out:
       (1) Everlane (transparent business and mfg practices) – gorgeous silks and they are introducing leathers this fall
       (2) Nanette Lapore (much clothing mfd in USA; see Nanette’s World page)
       (3) Icebreaker (humane treatment of merino sheep, though clothes are now made in China)
       (4) Horny Toad (transparent business practices)
       (5) Seamly.co (deadstock fabric + made in the US + no sweatshops)

       Just a starting place. 🙂

     • Don’t forget Eileen Fisher! She’s instituted some amazing practices, including repairing clothing for free, manufacturing in the USA when possible, using environmentally conscious dyes, ensuring humane living/growing/working conditions overseas, and recycling gently used EF clothing for charities. She’s my heroine. And, I love her clothing.

     • Oh, I recently discovered Eileen Fisher (had heard of the brand before but never tried anything on!) and love her clothes. For my birthday, my husband bought me an EF dress and skirt and I’m very impressed with the fabric and quality. I definitely plan to buy more of her pieces, especially since I’ve learned more about her ethical and sustainable practices!

     • Thanks so much for all of the links, Rebecca! I read “Overdressed” earlier this year and found it highly informative. Learning what goes on in the fashion industry has encouraged me even more to make changes in the way I shop and how I approach my wardrobe. I have heard of some of the brands you mentioned and will check all of them out. I’m going to do another post on ethics and sustainability soon and will include the companies you mentioned as resources. I appreciate your taking the time to follow up and provide this information for all of us!

4. Those are very handy rules, Debbie. I’ll be using yours as a starting point when I’m ready to revamp my wardrobe.

   I usually have a habit of returning the clothing items. Sometimes, I buy them so I have more time to think but other times I buy them to see if they work with my wardrobe, particularly the colours. I’m looking into ways to reduce this habit. Perhaps, using a wardrobe app and colour swatches will do. I’ve used colour swatches and photos when shopping for home furniture and accessories 2 years ago. This approach really helped me focus and make better decisions. Interesting, I just realized that I love what I did for my home and I should try the same for my wardrobe.

   Thanks for sharing this post. I’m beginning to see myself become a better clothing shopper with a better wardrobe.

   • …filled with better quality but fewer clothing pieces.

     • I’m glad you found my rules helpful, Rochelle. You made a good point about colors. I have that issue sometimes and I’m sure many others do, too. I like the idea of using color swatches or an app with photos of my clothes. Most of the apps I’ve learned about are for iPhone and I have Android, but I will keep looking. I think it would be helpful to avoid returns if we better understand what we have both color-wise and garment-wise. I share your goal of becoming a better shopped with a better wardrobe filled with better quality but fewer clothing pieces. I’m getting there gradually, but sometimes there are some steps forward and some steps backward along the way.

5. My most important rule, and it’s not really a rule, but a strategy, is to unsubscribe from every email newsletter that advertises, promotes, or sells clothing! I’ve learned I can not resist the siren song — there is always something I want or think I need. If, as it turns out, I DO actually need a perfect merino wool cardigan made in the USA, I can search for it myself when it’s time!

   Also, similar to you, I tend to buy multiples when I find the perfect thing. I have problem feet, so when I find a stylish (this is all relative, believe me) and comfortable shoe that is not completely orthopedic looking, I want to buy it in every color, plus two in black. I’ll set up searches on eBay to alert me when one comes available at a good price — and I’ll end up with 10 pairs of the same shoe, each fitting slightly differently, and only one or two of which ever gets worn before the next foot crisis. No more! I vow to follow your rule of not buying another until the previous one has been worn!

   Thank you!

   • Elizabeth, you’re so right about the temptation of emails. If I don’t see it, I won’t get the sense that I need it. And, yes, I can do a search for the specific item I need.

   • I’m glad my new rule was helpful for you, Elizabeth. The multiple buying issue is a big one for many and it’s tripped me up more than almost anything else! Your point about unsubscribing is a really good one. I keep unsubscribing each time a new email comes in (I can’t believe how many I get!), but I also think I need to unsubscribe from magazines, catalogs, and many blogs, too. I get the “fear of missing out” when I see what others are wearing and what’s out there. That phenomenon is very dangerous and has led me to purchase things I don’t need or even like all that much. Far better to wait to identify PERSONAL needs, like you mentioned.

6. Thank goodness the multiple rule doesn’t apply to under things. The last time I found a bra that fit I bought three and feel absolutely justified. I wear them all and haven’t seen the same style since.

   I appreciate your new rule. If I have to wear all my skirts before I buy a new one, I have to be darn sure I like what’s in my closet.

   • I wouldn’t think to apply the new rule to undergarments, Jeri! I know how hard it can be to find bras (and even underwear, for that matter) that work well. I don’t think many people have a problem with overbuying such things, but if they do, the rule should stand there, too. I’m glad you like my new rule with the one caveat you mentioned. You’re taking it even a step farther by stating you need to wear ALL skirts before buying a new one, not just the NEW ones that haven’t been worn (like I said). I may end up taking it there at some point, and I considered it, but I’m going to start with applying the rule to having to wear NEW items. That will help me quite a bit by itself!

7. Debbie those are great rules and ones that any shopper should use. Those others contributed by your readers would also work for anyone.
   We are so inundated with advertising that the cancelling of magazines and online catalogue subscriptions is a good way to avoid temptation. Not going to the mall as often also helps – have you ever been to the mall without seeing something (or many things 🙂 ) that you hadn’t even thought of before but now absolutely must have ?

   • Your suggestions are very good ones, Megan! The magazines, catalogs, emails, style blogs, etc., can make the temptation to shop so much worse. I have a hard enough time with my own internal temptations without adding insult to injury with all of the pressure from outside sources. I’m gradually eliminating sources of temptation from my life.

8. I used to have many rules about shopping, but I would usually break them. Now it’s pretty simple. No credit cards. The only exception to this is my Macys card and I pay that right away when the bill comes in. No Ebay for the rest of this year. This has turned out to be wonderful. One of the things I really wanted to change was the amount of time I spent looking. Without Ebay I look online less than one hour a week instead of probably over fifteen. I also try to pause before buying and to ask if I need it? love it? It’s only when I get away from this that I run into problems.

   I’ve found that things that have nothing to do with shopping, such as new hobbies etc. have been more beneficial for me to shop less. The less I think about it, the less power it seems to have.

   • Your rules are simple yet very powerful, Tonya. I know letting go of Ebay is hard for you, so I commend you on your resolve. How great to have 14 hours of your week back and that you’re taking on new hobbies and interests! I still use credit cards, but I got rid of all of my store cards early this year and opened a shopping account which I use for shopping. That way, I get into much less trouble.

9. Tonya’s rule is a good one. I only use cash too and I seldom visit on-line sites like EBay (that way lies madness). A few years ago, I decided that I could maintain a high quality of life on a reduced budget if I stayed out of stores and was prudent about how I spend money. This was a “pre-retirement” test to see how well I could function on a “fixed income” as OAPs say. (Don’t most people have a fixed income?) I still buy clothes occasionally but I focus on quality and not quantity. While I am not oblivious to fashion, I don’t read fashion magazines or spend a lot of time on-line looking at fashion websites (just a few….) I don’t buy multiples (except for the 3 for $$ undies). Nothing for a “maybe” occasion. I am reasonably well-dressed, and I have filled the time I would have spent shopping with volunteer work and working part-time in retail — I see clothes but I don’t buy them.

   • Ha ha! That’s awesome Dottie. I want to have a t-shirt made that says “Ebay-that way lies madness”. Truer words have never been spoken.

   • One episode of What Not to Wear featured a woman with a typically ill-fitting, inappropriate wardrobe who told Stacy and Clinton that she bought all her clothes on eBay. S and C looked at each other and somewhat sympathetically said, “It shows.” LOL!

   • I loved reading all of your comments, Dottie, Tonya, and Elizabeth. “That way lies madness” can be said about lots of types of shopping, including Ebay! The t-shirt idea might catch on, Tonya 🙂 Elizabeth, I remember that WNTW episode! I will miss that show… Stacy and Clinton are SO funny, and they really know their stuff, too! I’m sure we’ll see them again in other places.

10. My rules:
    1. Know what you already have in your wardrobe (I have a simple spreadsheet).
    2. Keep only clothes that you really like, fit well, and fit your life as it is NOW. Donate or sell the rest of the store that’s taking up space.
    3. Identify items of clothing (including shoes and undies that need replacing in XX months (I do this semi-annually.)
    4. Develop a realistic budget and stick to it, even if you have to save up to make a purchase.
    5. Develop a 4- to 6-month plan for updating/replacing items in wardrobe, including budget. Give yourself small rewards for sticking to your plan.
    6. Stay out of stores and off shopping websites as much as possible. Don’t buy fashion magazines or cave into other stimuli that might release the urge to shop.
    7. Don’t shop sales unless it is to replace/upgrade item on wardrobe plan (e..g., bra sale or something similar).
    8. Find replacement activities for shopping — yoga, cooking classes, volunteering, cleaning your house, etc.
    9. Don’t hang out with shopaholics or meet for coffee in a non-shopping location.
    10. Tell your family and friends that you are not interested in going shopping but would love to go to the museum or go on the zip line. Replace consumerism with positive experiences and relationships that fulfill you as a person.
    11. Forgive yourself for past mistakes (shopping or otherwise) and move forward to the broad sunlit uplands of a happy life.
    12. Donate the money you might have spent to charity, such as one that helps victims of domestic abuse or homeless people and be thankful for the life you have.

    • Such great rules, Dottie! I might have to “steal” a few of them. I am doing a lot better with rules 1-7, but need to work more on the rest of them. I only have one friend I shop with anymore, but need to turn that around and do other things with her. Forgiving myself is something I’m not the best at, but writing this blog is helping with that… It’s always a good idea to donate to charities and I do it regularly, but perhaps I need to donate MORE now that I’m spending less on clothing and the like. Being thankful and cultivating gratitude for what we have is critical not only to overcoming shopping addiction, but also for becoming a happier and more fulfilled person overall. Thanks for sharing your empowering rules!

      • I used to spend a lot of time shopping (not so much buying but looking, etc.) with friends. I don’t do this anymore. I get together with friends for coffee or to do something — much more rewarding because you can focus on friends as a person and in a less superficial way. The amount of time we have in this world is pretty limited and I’d rather spend it creating positive memories and experiences than pawing through a clearance rack looking for a “bargain.” From my point of view, most people’s annual clothing budget would also buy a pretty nice trip somewhere. I’d much rather spend my hard-earned dollars on a trip than 10 pairs of shoes.

11. I had a bizarre (for me) experience on Labor Day.

    My adult autistic son wanted new shoes so I promised him we would stop at a big mall in Annap0lis on the way back to the eastern shore of the Chesapeake Bay (we have no upscale malls out here without driving a ways). It was sensory overload!! I felt like my head was spinning around from all the things I felt compelled to see, which I didn’t need. It was hot, loud and had competing food smells. We bought his shoes and got lost trying to find the correct garage and an elevator to the 2d floor. The first floor of the garage was full when we arrived at noon but the 2d floor was empty. When we left, cars were lined up for our space on the second floor which was now full.

    I think I have successfully moved beyond the mall as a fun experience. But I still struggle with online shopping.

12. You have put into words a rule that I’ve had mulling around in my head — the one about not buying the same/similar item if there is a same/similar item unworn in your closet. I’ve had thought blips that go like this: I forgot I have that new skirt, two tops, and sweater in my closet, I haven’t even worn any of those pieces yet; WHY am I shopping for something new? I hadn’t quite honed it into a rule yet, but now I will. I think I need to be as stringent as to say no more new items until I’ve worn everything in my closet or decided to donate/return what I haven’t worn.

    • I’m glad you liked this post, Cristina. The new rule has already helped me to avoid buying a lot of similar items, so it was a good addition. I agree that I might have to be even MORE stringent and I’m considering how best to do that. I thought of starting the year with a the rule that I cannot buy anything new in a category until I’ve worn all of the other items in that category. I’m still mulling it over, but I will post about what I decide. If you come up with any good rules for yourself, please post them here or on your own blog. Best wishes!

13. I absolutely love your website! God is so faithful to put this in front of me. I have been an over shopper for over 20 years! I get so mad at myself. Not that I have to go to the mall and spend thousands at a time, and not that we can’t pay our bills because of it, HOWEVER, it is embarrassing how much money I spend on clothes, makeup, jewelry, home decor when I’m just “out running errands” or may be shopping for an outfit for a special event and end up seeing so many “absolute cute” pieces that I buy those too. Our budget could be show so much more class if I just STOPPED! I HAVE ENOUGH! This blog is so inspiring! They have so much help out there for drug addicts and alcoholics, but thistle site is so needed and one of a kind! It’s an addiction that you can rationalize away because you are paying your bills, you only shop at errand time, etc….but it’s BAD for my self esteem, my family and our budget. Tank you again, god bless!

    • Welcome, Jayne! Thank you for all of your kind words. I’m so glad you like my blog and are finding it helpful! I can identify with much of what you wrote. I’ve been an overshopper since my teens (I’m now 47) and I finally said “Enough!” this year, which is why I started the blog. It’s not easy, but one CAN recover from shopping addiction. I hope you continue to read my blog and I welcome your future comments. Best of luck to you!

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